vulnerability, perhaps

they say feelings are temporary
but what about the ones that come back time and time again?
where the cycle of feelings is so predictable
never, ever, spontaneous
I ascertain in my head that I am in some state of limbo.

sometimes, hollowness is so stifling
I can visualise it, the insides of me
are filled with an uncomfortable eerie silence
filled with nothing.
nothing I can hold onto
nothing I want to hold onto
nothing that I will hold onto long enough, strong enough.
and comfort… is a positive word
for most
but it saves me, and destroys me.

reminders, in the form of a human being
will always be deleted out of the present as much as possible
but don’t you worry, you will notice too late
or never quite care enough.
now, I am faced with the results
erased –
quantitatively, not many
qualitatively, too much
except hostility has used the time to manage its way in
and is now, a barrier.
a barrier too powerful, too persuasive, too painful.

life continues, construction works are ongoing…
if only I could build things other than barriers.